United Meals for Purchase

Turkey Sandwich Special Meal

2009-11-16T15:35:00.003-08:00

Start your flight off right with the perfect amount of bread, lettuce, tomato and mustard found in a small packet that’s impossible to open. You also get an amazing amount of three potato chips and a pickle to help cut the [non]flavor. Turkey purchased separately.

Price: $10. Turkey costs $2 extra… plus a sales tax of $45.

THANK YOU FOR FLYING UNITED!

Raisin

2009-11-16T15:35:00.001-08:00

We give you a single raisin. And it is gooooooooood.

Price: $35. If you want Raisin Dlx you can purchase it for an additional $15. You get a single cashew.

THANK YOU FOR FLYING UNITED!

The Picnic Lunch

2009-11-16T15:34:00.002-08:00

Relive your days as a young picnicking lover with the United Air Picnic Lunch. With a small box of craisins, half a can of soda and cheese so bland that it takes away from the taste of the crackers, you can feel like a picnicker all over again.

Note: We should inform you that everyone who works with United have never had a picnic that didn’t remind them of their horrible upbringing. Served with a side of guilt.

Price: $9. If you want a fun size candy bar to finish things off it’s $7. You’ve never had a picnic this expensive, you say? Well you’ve never had a picnic in the air now have you? Have you?!

THANK YOU FOR FLYING UNITED!

Breakfast Sampler

2009-11-16T15:34:00.001-08:00

This luscious combination of a quarter of a bagel and roughly enough orange juice to fend off one sneeze is going to make your heart race with joy as you’re flying miles above the country.

Price: $7. Butter not included. Cream Cheese not included. Pulp not included. The Bagel is plain. You can’t get a different kind of bagel. Butter can be purchased separately for $4. Cream Cheese for $4. Pulp can be purchased for $5.

THANK YOU FOR FLYING UNITED!